You can be told a million times that nothing will change until you change your attitude and start believing in yourself. It’s wonderful and true advice, but when you’re in the middle of something awful…it’s hard advice to take. You want the opposite to happen – for your situation to change so you can have a better attitude as a result. That might happen to some extent, but a change in circumstance without an initial change in attitude won’t allow for as much happiness or appreciation.

I say all of this because I have been living this way. I got back from Korea almost six months ago after being there for almost a year and a half. Getting back meant feeling like I went back in time. I had changed and grown so much …but everything here was the same. I began to slip back into my old ways.

Prior to moving to Korea, I was stuck. I went to school, went home, wrote, talked to my family, and that was pretty much it. I was terribly shy. I was also unwilling to get to know anyone and make close friends other than ones I had from high school. I knew I had to change something. I decided to go to Korea. I changed.

I made amazing friends who were as dear to me as family. I had a boyfriend for whom I cared so deeply. I became this vibrant, outgoing, caring person that I didn’t know I could be. I am sure my family knew that about me but few other people did. I put up major walls.

Then I came home.

I was alone. My friends were so far away. My boyfriend and I broke up. I was depressed. I found myself staying in bed too long. I spent Christmas night alone in my room crying over the break up and how alone I always felt.

I was pretty depressed from November to February. That’s when it all began to change. I got a great job. I had purpose again. I had to get up early and I had responsibilities. My circumstances had changed before my attitude had.

Was I happy? I don’t think so. I was happier but I wasn’t happy.

I don’t mean to write this as a religious post – but I am a Christian, and being a Christian to me means living a life that others can look at and respect. I had one evening that was so horrible about three weeks ago. I had been having a great time at work. I was working hard and getting praised. Despite all that – even though my situation was wonderful – I found myself crying one evening. I was home alone and didn’t know who to turn to…so I prayed.

I really didn’t say much. I remember saying “I’m broken. My heart is broken and I can’t do this by myself anymore. I don’t know what to do.”

The following morning was Palm Sunday. I went to church and found that the sermon was all about how God heals the broken-hearted. Literally that was what our pastor said. I couldn’t believe it. I remember sort of looking up and thinking, “So you really heard me yesterday, huh?” The message of the sermon was that once God heals us…we can help others.

It was interesting how…from that moment I found that people were cropping up in my life who were just great people. Interesting, fun, kind. I felt less inhibited by my recent past and all of the heartache that I had endured. I stopped going right home after work and going to my room. I read and wrote at a coffee shop or bookstore. I stayed later to chat with colleagues who were fast becoming friends. I started to meet two Korean girls from my university to show them around the city and help them get acclimated. I spent time with my parents watching TV or movies or just joking around. (I have great parents. Have I mentioned that?)

I started to remember why I had been so outgoing in Korea. It was because of my attitude. I had to have a good attitude because I was in such a foreign place. Having a bad attitude meant you’d spiral really quickly. I saw it happen to other ex-pats. I realized I had to apply those principles to being home. I had to allow myself to be happy in the face of adversity.

These past several weeks have been a complete turn around. I realized there isn’t anything stopping me from being happy. I even realized that part of what I had to do to be myself was live on my own again. This past weekend I thought, “Hey, what’s stopping me?” I left home Saturday morning, found an apartment, put a hold deposit on it, and the application was approved this week. I move in a week and a half.

For a while, I felt going to Korea was the wrong choice. I was certain during those difficult past few months that it had done more harm than good. But I know now that it equipped me with the tools I required. I just had to remember how to use them.